Jul 30, 2014

how not to be a male feminist / male feminist ally

  1. Him: The only a term of endearment that I use towards strangers that I can think of is "beautiful" but I reserve that for people that I think need that compliment at that moment. Someone use clearly having a bad day or is clearly negative about themselves something like that and I'll just point out that I think they're beautiful if I find something of beauty in them So I don't just say it to say it, and I don't say it to hit on somebody. I point out that I think somebody is beautiful because it's an act of love towards a fellow human being and I believe in that sort of thing
  2. Me: Do you show such love to fellow male human beings?
  3. Him: Of course but I don't call many beautiful. Usually with a guy it's something a little bit different and I'll pay them a compliment about skill or a job they do. With man I think the word beautiful is a little different
  4. Me: why do you think that is?
  5. Him: I don't like being called beautiful. I am uncomfortable with being called beautiful but I have been called that
  6. Me: How do you know the women you call "beautiful" aren't just as uncomfortable as you are with it?
  7. Him: It's not really sexist to say a woman is a work of art and guys aren't
  8. Me: it is sexist. it's forgetting that the reason we see it that way is a sexist society obsessed with male desire for women. we don't consider female desire for men at all. How do you know that you finding them beautiful will make their day better? Especially given that most men who run around calling women beautiful are, 99% of the time, not doing it out of some kinds of selfless love for humanity. Just because you think something is an act of love doesn't mean that the other person sees it that way. We don't exist in a magic bubble based on our good intentions, we exist in context.
  9. Him: When I have done it ( not that often ), it has never been taken the wrong way
  10. Me: You can't really know that your compliment wasn't ever taken in the "wrong way". She might have smiled and thanked you politely because that's what women do. We're socialized to be polite especially when strange men approach us. If we aren't, we face the potential for escalation of the situation. I know I've smiled and walked away from a situation where a dude felt his appreciation of my looks was important for him to tell me where I've been angry afterwards, because my looks aren't the most important thing about me, least of all a man's approval of them.
  11. Him: Okay, so apparently I'm a sexist despite endeavoring everyday to lift up others and spread love and peace. Well this is a drag. So thank you
  12. Me: I didn't say you were a sexist. Please do not shove words in my mouth. One can be anti-sexist but have unexamined bits of sexism in thought and words and action. I'm being corrected every day myself and I openly post about it.
  13. Him: Strange part is I am a huge feminist, my first wife turned me into one.
  14. Me: Right! And part of being feminist is learning every day how little bits of societal brainwashed sexism are a part of all of us, and we can endeavor to do better. That's the only reason we're having this conversation. If you were a sexist, I wouldn't bother. Complimenting women for looks and men for action is one of those little things, or so I thought, rather than any kind of condemnation of you. My apologies if it came off that way.
  15. Him: I march at pro choice rallies and block the catholic protesters at clinics from harassing women going in, I was even recognized by a member of a former parish and ratted out to my priest, I guess I'm more of a human twitch a heart than a catholic though.
  16. Me: You don't need to prove yourself to me. This isn't about all those other worthy actions, or proving your worthiness as a person. I never called you a sexist. I thought part of being committed to equality and being a good feminist is to keep improving rather than doing something and then using it as proof you're a good feminist. In my view, it's a process. If you disagree, then I'm sorry I tried to have a discussion and wish you all the best.
  17. Him: The word beautiful is just that, it's a word. I think you are beautiful. You accepted my friend request, I glanced at your pictures and was able to get an idea of your background, how far you've come and what you stand for...You are a remarkable beautiful human being.
  18. Me: Okay, please stop trying to change the subject. Complimenting me will not change how I feel about this. I'm just asking that you maybe think about why you compliment women on looks and men on action.
  19. Him: you are being a little defensive and deadest on a position rather than listening to a unique perspective and motivation.
  20. Me: You're not as unique as you think in this, unfortunately. I am not defensive. I'm not the one trotting out my credentials and claiming someone called me something they most certainly did not.
Jul 21, 2014

Friend of a friend: “Why are all girl atheists lesbians?”
From my feed: “Every woman I talk with that are an atheist are straight. daamn where are the good gay and bi women atheists at?”

Maybe it’s not them… it’s you?

May 30, 2014

My Late Journey to Feminism and Why #YesAllWomen is Cooler Than Being Cool


My name is Lola and I am finally a feminist.

I grew up as a member of the Mormon faith, an organization I believe to be deeply rooted in misogyny, and the only girl in a family with three boys. In church, I learned that deference to males was the natural order of things; men decided the fate of…

May 15, 2014

Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)


In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)
Mar 20, 2014

Hey Kamala Korps! We just released a free Ms. Marvel Infinite Comic, now your friends have no excuse to not give Kamala a try!
Share the love and Download it here for freeeeeee!


Hey Kamala Korps! We just released a free Ms. Marvel Infinite Comic, now your friends have no excuse to not give Kamala a try!

Share the love and Download it here for freeeeeee!

(via thestoutorialist)

Mar 18, 2014
I don’t understand the people who say things like “I don’t like cops” or other more colorful ways stating a similar opinion. Of course there are examples of terrible people who are police officers, but there are also examples of terrible people who are short order cooks, lumber jacks, fireman and seamstresses too.
You don’t hear rap songs about “F*ck the Deer Park water delivery guy!”
a white guy I know posted this to Facebook
Mar 12, 2014

Anatomy of an Initially Shitty Reaction

The first time I got called out for saying certain things I found to be body-accepting, I reacted… poorly.

More than one thin woman has called me out for parroting the “real women have curves” line. I remember gritting my teeth and mumbling under my breath that a small percentage of the population saying such a thing wouldn’t magically cause the oppression of thin people. I saw the thin women as being hypersensitive given the body oppression I face every day as a lifelong fat woman. I thought that they should be able to handle one negative statement about their bodies in the face of all the affirmation they get for their conforming bodies. I thought that they were being unduly fussy given all that I have gone through.

While it is true that thin privilege is very real, especially in the area in which I live, I wasn’t really considering anything beyond the obvious “rah rah fatties” implication of the statement. “Curves” usually imply the stereotypically “womanly” sorts of fatty deposits: those in the hips, buttocks, and breasts. There are women who have proportionally smaller “curves” of those sort compared to the softness of their other body parts who are, as a result afforded less looks-based privilege than I am, especially if they are bigger than I am. Also, the term “real women” is used to other and misgender trans women.

The problem was not with my intentions, i.e. affirming the desirability of my body type, but the way in which I was choosing to express them. There are far more preferable ways of saying “I think fat bodies, including mine, are not only okay, I think they are beautiful and desirable.” That might not be as catchy or as obviously upsetting (i.e. attention-grabbing) as that quote, but it is sure as fuck less oppressive.

Mar 11, 2014

Olivia, my eldest daughter, caught measles when she was seven years old. As the illness took its usual course I can remember reading to her often in bed and not feeling particularly alarmed about it. Then one morning, when she was well on the road to recovery, I was sitting on her bed showing her how to fashion little animals out of coloured pipe-cleaners, and when it came to her turn to make one herself, I noticed that her fingers and her mind were not working together and she couldn’t do anything.

“Are you feeling all right?” I asked her.

“I feel all sleepy, ” she said.

In an hour, she was unconscious. In twelve hours she was dead.

The measles had turned into a terrible thing called measles encephalitis and there was nothing the doctors could do to save her.

That was twenty-four years ago in 1962, but even now, if a child with measles happens to develop the same deadly reaction from measles as Olivia did, there would still be nothing the doctors could do to help her.

On the other hand, there is today something that parents can do to make sure that this sort of tragedy does not happen to a child of theirs. They can insist that their child is immunised against measles. I was unable to do that for Olivia in 1962 because in those days a reliable measles vaccine had not been discovered. Today a good and safe vaccine is available to every family and all you have to do is to ask your doctor to administer it.

It is not yet generally accepted that measles can be a dangerous illness.

Believe me, it is. In my opinion parents who now refuse to have their children immunised are putting the lives of those children at risk.

In America, where measles immunisation is compulsory, measles like smallpox, has been virtually wiped out.

Here in Britain, because so many parents refuse, either out of obstinacy or ignorance or fear, to allow their children to be immunised, we still have a hundred thousand cases of measles every year.

Out of those, more than 10,000 will suffer side effects of one kind or another.

At least 10,000 will develop ear or chest infections.

About 20 will die.


Every year around 20 children will die in Britain from measles.

So what about the risks that your children will run from being immunised?

They are almost non-existent. Listen to this. In a district of around 300,000 people, there will be only one child every 250 years who will develop serious side effects from measles immunisation! That is about a million to one chance. I should think there would be more chance of your child choking to death on a chocolate bar than of becoming seriously ill from a measles immunisation.

So what on earth are you worrying about?

It really is almost a crime to allow your child to go unimmunised.

Roald Dahl, 1986

(via brain-confetti)


(via watchoutfordinosaurs)


roald dahl was calling out the anti-vaccination movement as self indulgent bullshit //thirty god damn years ago//.

(via ultralaser)

Over 1,000 preventable deaths and 128,000 preventable illnesses since 2007 and counting

And this is only in recent history. I can’t imagine the numbers if we had data all the way back to 1986.

(via autistiel)

(via mowgli3)

Mar 11, 2014
When advised of the details of her Blues’ plan, Boonstra said the idea that it would be cheaper “can’t be true.”

“I personally do not believe that,” Boonstra said.
When facts ‘can’t be true’, The MaddowBlog
Mar 10, 2014
wallpaperairplane asked: Just to let you know that was tinker bell not Tiana :)


Is it though? Is it really?


  1. She has no wings. 
  2. She is in the exact same pose my Tiana figurine is in. Coincidence? 
  3. Her hair is in the exact same style as Tiana and has leaves around the bun as well. 
  4. Same white gloves. 
  5. She is wearing the SAME TIANA DRESS. Notice the flower, flower detailing, the top of the dress. The bottom of the dress is exactly the same. 
  6. Tinkerbell has the really short and spunky dress, no gloves and I might also add once again, has wings. 

No someone made a blonde, white Tiana replica. And it makes me mad. Or they tried to make a Tinkerbell but used Tiana’s dress and hairstyle?!?!?!

Not to mention it isn’t pretty.

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